He laid flat on his back, with his gaze fixed on the star-studded black velvet blanket that spread as a ceiling over the lands and oceans. Those tiny twinkling diamonds on the sky had always excited him, right from his toddlerhood. He remembered his mother telling that as a baby whenever he threw the worst of his tantrums, his Dad would grab him and rush out of the house to show his beloved piece of treasure the splendid night sky, and as a wonder, every time without fail, the baby would get lost into, maybe his starry dreams in the arms of his father, at times even without having his portion of baby food.
Though his eyes were fixed on the hunter, the Orion – a constellation, his vision travelled miles beyond those twinkling wonders. Lost in his thoughts, unaware of the surroundings, his body and mind kind of enjoyed the soothing cold of the month of November, on the terrace of his house, at his little town in Southern India. The array of thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the voice of his mother, she called out loudly… “Saarang….O !!! Saarang….” as if she had been calling out for a while now. That’s quite possible too because this had been the scene on almost all evenings since his childhood, as he used to be carried away so much in his thoughts that he couldn’t even hear when he was called from downstairs and finally his elder sister, Sariga would climb up and jerk her dreamy brother out of his dreams. But now his sister was married and lived in London. She with her husband Neel worked in the administrative block of the Buckingham Palace. So, cutting down the charms of his solitude, he rushed for the stairs as he didn’t want his mother, who was complaining of knee joint pains these days, to take the stairs to bring him downstairs.
As he reached for the kitchen, he saw his parents sitting on the dining table, waiting for him for the dinner. He smiled to them and took his chair beside his Dad. “Staring at the stars all the time, now you are into the diamond business, I wish this twinkle of mine, shines like the Moon in his business, of which he is so passionate about.” His mother said, by joining her hands together, as a prayer to the almighty. “But he has always liked the stars much more than the moon, you remember when he was a little boy, he used to be so upset on the full moon nights and frowned at the moon by saying that, why couldn’t the moon switch off his light so that his favourite stars could come back.” His father continued by patting his son’s back. On hearing this, his mother said to his father, “don’t worry I would find a beautiful moon-like daughter-inlaw for us, then I will show you how this ‘star guy’ becomes a ‘moon guy’.” The family laughed over the comment and Saarang was happy for the innocence of his parents. But for him, he had not thought of marriage yet. But his mother’s recent regular talks of marriage had started disturbing him from somewhere deep within.
As all three settled down, his Mom’s phone rang, she longed to pick up her smartphone on the other end of the table murmuring, “it may be Neel and Sariga, yes ! it’s them”, Saarang’s sister called home, every evening this time, but today it was rather a special day. As his Mom swiped the call on, on the other end both of them started singing “Happy birthday to you……. Happy birthday to you….. Happy birthday dear Sagu…., that’s how Sariga called her little brother. Then they shared some goodies of both sides. It was 14th of November, Saarang’s birthday. This family thought was too connected to each other, but their concept of celebrations was limited to lighting a lamp before their deity of worship. And their mother made sure, that the birthday person visited the nearby Lord Shiva temple. Hence, today Saarang also had gone to the temple in the morning and then as he rushed to his office, mother handed him a casserole with the regular ‘Mom made’ lunch. So, in the evening as the family came together, all blessed the star of the day and the dining table had a special bowl of love called the ‘Paayasam’, a sweet dish made of rice, milk, sugar and lots of dry fruits, as a part of the celebration.
The family had dinner together and both the father and the son helped Mom to wind up the kitchen. This had been the way each night since Sariga had flown to London, coz when alone in the kitchen at night, this mother misses her daughter badly and gets into the bed with a heavy heart and wet eyes, which their father thought, if continued may have an untoward effect on her health. And, when everything was done, they bid goodnight to each other and Saarang climbed the stairs with a jug of water to his room upstairs.
As he entered his room, the huge picture on the wall welcomed him, the giggling friends of his, back at college. Coincidently, he recollected that the picture was taken on one of his birthdays when they had cut a cake over the grass bed at the Sapphire Jogger’s Park, which was their favourite hangout point. His besties Sidhu, Thomas and Rehan had almost lifted him off the ground in the pic and Sidhu’s twin sister Sitara and Rehan’s girlfriend Nisha pulled up on their toes, trying to smear the chocolate cream on his face. He smiled at the picture and laid down on his bed.
Those were the days at the Imperial Business School, this tall guy with thick, black, centre- parted, little wavy hair, slightly wheatish complexion with very deep, sharp eyes that curved beautifully when he sported that infectious smile of his, undoubtedly stroked the strings of the hearts of each girl on the campus. He was a piece of heart for his friends. And during the exam season, he would suddenly become their teacher. As he was a good orator and understood his subjects at the applied levels, which made it easy for him to convey the concepts to his friends during their peer study hours. The professor of accountancy wouldn’t stop boasting about this student of his, in the teacher’s chamber.
He was the captain of the college basketball team. And no event in the campus was accomplished without the martial arts display by this ‘Kung Fu Master’. The crisp sways of his body and the power loaded moves startled the audience every time he performed. In short, he was the star of the campus, but it seemed that he was busy searching for something among the celestial stars every night, back at home.
Years passed by, now he’s into the diamond business, he’s a trader basically and in the last 4-5 years he has started to be known as a successful entrepreneur among the business community. But the last 10 months had been quite struggling, the contraction in the global economy, some mining issues in the dark continent and other trading crises had impacted the flow of the business. And moreover after Saarang’s return from Botswana, a country in the far south of the African continent, 6 months back, he seemed a little lost, depressed, and unhappy with himself.
He realized it himself only a couple of weeks back when he unintentionally retaliated to his mother in quite a rude manner, which wasn’t his natural way when she had come up with a few photographs of some of the girls handed over by the matrimony agent. Though his sight got tangled on one of the pictures for a couple of seconds, but suddenly an overwhelming thread of thought from some deep corner of his mind lead him into the untimely burst. This changed behaviour of his thought was not evident to others but he could detect a kind of anxiety and restlessness in himself which was encroaching him from all over and even resulting in sleepless nights for weeks.
Something surely disturbed him day after day. He found it difficult for himself to control his own feelings. And definitely, the information and broadcasting industry that flourishes on emotional magnetism by selling news regarding rocketing cases of depression and suicides in the Indian society burned him from within. So, after sleepless nights of pondering and self-analysis, he finally took the boldest of the decisions to meet a psychiatrist. A few days passed by, but his mind was still not at peace. Although the decision was taken, but some kind of discomfort and an unknown fear or rather a bigger doubt, whether a psychiatrist alone could fix all his problems, pulled him back from fixing an appointment with the psychiatrist.
To Be Continued…
